Artist & Mother: My Battle with Infertility & Journey to Motherhood

Over the last couple years., I have been quite public about my journey to motherhood, having gone through several years of infertility to finally get our miracle Emma Jean. Life has changed so much since then but when I am having a particularly difficult day, because lets face it MOTHERHOOD IS HARD, it always helps to count my blessings and see just how far we have come. 

Jeremy and I were married in January 2015. Much like many married couples, we weren’t ready to start a family just yet but within 9 months, we decided to go ahead and just stop preventing. It would all happen in God's timing and we were perfectly alright with that. Oh the ride we had in store. At this point, we lived in Middle Georgia, about two hours away from any family. Looking back now, we were crazy to want to start a family with any sort of help being a 2 hour car ride away! Never the less, we tried for several months to no avail but we weren't too concerned as my  OB/GYN at the time had told us that 80% of healthy couples tend to conceive naturally within the first year of trying and to come back in a year. Well, one year went by with countless tracking apps, ovulation tests and every wives tale under the sun  and still no baby. Queue my first panic attack but that is another blog post!

Just when the loneliness and anxiety regarding our infertility has peaked for me, by a sheer act of God, Jeremy received a relocation offer from a company 40 minutes from my parents, so we were moving home! This was just in time for my sister to have her first child, Catie. Soon after relocating and I found a position at a local college, we began trying to conceive again and thus began my fear of needles. The practice I attended ordered test after test and prescribed multiple medications that had me crying and thinking I was losing my mind. Hormones are not to be messed with. After an HSG and MRI, the lines of communication with them abruptly stopped. They just stopped calling me back.

After zero communication from that practice regarding the results of my scans, I finally sought out a physician in Atlanta who took one look at them and knew exactly what needed to be done.  I needed to have surgery. He would love to do it and we scheduled it for 2 weeks after our consultation which was on our 2 year marriage anniversary! Surgery was scary. My blood pressure and heart rate plummeted, needing to have CPR on the operating table resulting in a one hour procedure lasting seven hours BUT he removed anything and everything preventing me from getting pregnant! That is infertility in a nutshell- whatever the cost, we pay it. The physician had instructed us to try traditionally for six months and if we weren't pregnant by then, to come back and we would begin the IUI process. Well, 6 months came and went which were followed by more medications, shots in my stomach and 3 IUI cycles. Nothing but we were finally ready to begin IVF.

We began the IVF process in July 2021, accruing the funds (30K) and setting up our timeline. After all of the initial bloodwork, remainder of the tests, polyp removal‘s and scans, I was finally able to have an egg retrieval that October. What they don’t tell you about IVF is the numbers can look really good at first. It can lure you into a false sense of security. We had a successful procedure and they harvested 22 eggs, 12 of which were mature and could result in an embryo, maybe. After five days of maturation, our 12 had decreased to 6 embryos that were fertilized and grew to the needed size. We decided to have these embryos sent off for genetic testing at the suggestion of our doctor. This was due to age and the fact that Jeremy and I have been unsuccessful in conceiving for several years. After testing, we had 2 perfectly lovely embryos. See, we went from 22 to TWO.

We transferred the first embryo, whom we named Charlotte, in December 2021. Thus began a two week wait. The waiting game is the worst when it comes to IVF. You put so much hope into a process that works for so many others. Unfortunately, our first round did not result in the news we had so longed for. Several hours later, I got the dreaded phone call that I was not pregnant. That our one of our two perfect embryos babies was gone and I needed to come in and discuss further options.

The second was scheduled for January, on Jeremy‘s grandmother‘s birthday and 4 days after our 5 year wedding anniversary. This time they put me on an anti-inflammatory cocktail of medications and I did everything under the sun to get this baby to stay with me, down to eating McDonald’s French fries immediately after the transfer. If you are a part of the infertility community you know this wives tale all too well! Two weeks go by and you question every twinge, every cramp, every symptom and you just pray that the baby is there That they're healthy. That they haven't left you. .

The morning of my beta test I took the rest of the day off, having learned from my previous mistakes and crying way too many times at work. As I was nearing my home, it began to snow. I  had an overwhelming sense of peace about me. It never snows in Georgia. I knew in that moment, it was going to be ok. WE were going to be ok.. This embryo baby was our last hope before having to go through a completely new egg retrieval, hundreds of needles and more testing.  The rest of the morning, I tried to take my mind off if it but we have all been there,  anxiously staring at the phone as if WILLING it to ring.  Until finally, it did. Heart stop. Deep breathe. I was pregnant. Emma was born 5 years to the month that we started trying for a family.  I thank God every day for Emma and making me a mother. She healed my heart. ​